I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
