I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
