I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
