Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
