You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
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I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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