He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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