I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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