I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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