It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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