but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
