It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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