I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
do herpes really smell.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
