im about as happy as oj after his trial
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Text me some of your sweat
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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