Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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