If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
