I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
