Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
