I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
