i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
