I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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