my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
