I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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