Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
