Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
