So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
