He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
