yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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