What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
