You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
did i just pee glitter
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
