I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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