He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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