if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
