He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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