I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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