Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
