Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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