Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
