she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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