so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
