I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
