His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
