but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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