HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
