God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
