some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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