omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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