sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
