My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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