do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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