I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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