just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
