Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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