Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
