too bad you live with your parents still
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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