Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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