Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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