we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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