just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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