shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
