nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
