I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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