I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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