i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
