I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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