I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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