I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
