i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My bed smells like the plague
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