she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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